Knuckle Sandwich Update.

POW!
ZOWIE!

How’s THAT for a cover, eh? Knuckle Sandwich is my second novel, soon to be released through TH1NK fiction, and I have to say, I'm much more pleased with this one than with Mooch. Not that "Mooch" was bad or anything, but I feel like this one is funnier, fresher, and more emotionally connective than the last.

Anyway, any purchases would be welcome and, if you like it, your honest opinion on Amazon.com would be welcome as well. And of course, feel free to offer feedback here at Dregs.

KERSPLAT!

The Sterling Saga Continues.

As many of you know, Sterling is the African orphan whom we are adopting. We've been in the process of getting the lad for over a year now, and the story, long and convoluted as it has been, comes down to this: a month ago we got word from the Ugandan courts that they had ruled in our favor and granted us guardianship.

Now, this sounds well and good, but there's a hitch. In their ruling, the judges insisted that we come back to Uganda in three years to complete the adoption. We're fine with that (I guess), but the US isn't. Apparently, according to US International Adoption Policy, that won't fly. So the US isn't granting a visa to the little man, which means he can't come home.

So what can we do? We're appealing to the judges to reword their ruling, omitting the clause about completing the adoption in Uganda. Our lawyer presented this to two of the three judges on Wednesday, and was severely rebuffed, to the point of being threatened with a revocation of her license.

Yikes.

Anyway, our whole adoption hinges on these judges changing their ruling. If they don't, we won't be able to bring the little man home for another year and a half. If they do, we're good to go.

We should hear something soon. Until then, pray.

These Are Oranges.

The Bean is no longer a bean, but is now an orange. However, since we've taken such a shine to the name "The Bean," we are still referring to The Bean as "The Bean." Anyway, The Bean is roughly the size of an orange, and has all sorts of crazy stuff going on. Within a month, we should be able to determine whether The Bean is a lad or a lass. Hopefully I'll have posted again before that occurs...

These Are Beans.

So, last week it was rice. This week: beans.

The Bean is roughly one centimeter in length, and yet has started developing its major organs, has all its appendages, and... (drum roll, please) ...will develop its boy/girl parts this week.

Meaning: either it will be a boy or it will be a girl. It won't have both parts. Most likely. (Boy, that came out wrong.)

Anyway, The Bean is doing well, and so is The Bean's Mother. Though not so much when people rub her tummy with glee and claim she is already showing. This tends not to go over so well. Please refrain.

And now, to close with the obvious joke: Rice, beans--no wonder my wife is craving so much Mexican food!

Ahem.

Nothing Worse Than “Nothing Worse”

I heard a commercial on the radio that started out something like this:

"There's nothing worse than getting a call from a loved one telling you their car has broken down on the side of the road."

Yes. There is nothing worse than that. It's worse than getting a call from a loved one telling you they're in the hospital. Or on their deathbed.

Terrorism, poverty, hunger, raw sewage flowing into the Ganges River—these things all pale in comparison to my loved one being temporarily inconvenienced to the point of calling me to pick them up.

Advertising language has gotten so extreme that it has now officially rounded the corner of ridiculousness. Gordman's tells me they provide "savings [I] deserve." Deserve! I must have them! The savings are not optional!

Ken Smith wrote a marvelous book called Junk English a few years ago that I consider mandatory reading for anyone even tangentially involved in the advertising industry (which I am). It tackles this whole extremity issue with merciless hilarity. Also recommended along the same lines is Lynne Truss's Eats, Shoots & Leaves, the zero tolerance guide to punctuation.

And meanwhile, back to our "nothing worse" scenario: millions of people in this world would love to have an automobile, a paved road to drive it on, and enough consistent electricity to charge the cell phone they don't yet own. But those are pipe dreams—their real hearts are set on just having clean water, and even that's a long way off.

One more recommendation. The Progress Paradox is another excellent book that helped change my perspective on the world in which we live. I highly recommend it.

Okay, I think that finishes my rant. Thanks for reading it. I can think of nothing worse than it going ignored.

This Is Rice.

But you already knew that. Still. Pick a grain and look at it.

Just one.

Got it? Now, imagine this: That grain of rice is the same size as the baby currently residing in my wife's tummy.

Did I forget to mention we were pregnant? It's a surprise, to be sure, but it's still awesome.

Anyway, the Rice (as we call it, for now) has tiny appendages and a heartbeat at this point. Crazy, crazy stuff.

Suddenly, I'm hungry for some side dishes.

Blah, Blah, Blah Oscars...

I guess I have to write something about the Academy Award Nominations, seeing as how I'm big on those crazy movin' pictures they show down there at the cinema house. Although this year, I'm not really too interested in how the Oscars shake out, if only because I'm finding, as I get older, that my tastes and Oscar's are starting to diverge.

Take, for example, United 93, which, in my opinion, was the best film of the year. Nominated for directing and editing, the picture was shut out of the Best Picture nominees, while the "quirky(tm)" picture "Little Miss Sunshine" got in. (Full disclosure: I haven't seen the picture, but the trailer was enough to turn me off of it. Remember how, like, ten years ago, indie films actually felt independent and not like they were going down some Indie Cred Checklist?) I don't know.

I do know this: I'm not one of those people that says, "How come [such-and-such] wasn't nominated? Or [this guy] and [that guy] and [that other guy] and [you know, that guy with the thing]? Explain that, Academy!" I never understand this type of rant, wherein the author lists a good two hundred thousand other names and wonders why those people weren't nominated. Um... perhaps because they only take five nominees per category (mostly)? Just a thought.

Anyway, if you're itching to see an Oscar-nominated picture, my suggestion is to go catch Children of Men while it's still in theatres. It's easily one of the best pictures of the year, and, out of what I've seen, it's the most thought-provoking picture still playing in theatres.

Oh, my other best film of the year, tied with United 93? The Fountain. Just see it, okay? Then we'll talk about it.

"Super" Bowl

First, let me say this: I am neither a fan nor an anti-fan of the Indianapolis Colts or the Chicago Bears. I'm sorta "meh" about both teams--they both have quality guys on their teams, but I never really root for either of them.

So, when these two teams made it into the Big Game, I found myself, for the first time since the Bucs/Raiders matchup of '02, not really caring about the Super Bowl and completely unsure as to whether I would watch it.

Still, it'd be cool for Tony Dungy to win, both for how much of a class act he is, and with how much personal hell he's gone through over the past year. So I guess that means a half-hearted, unenthusiastic "Go Colts" goes out to them from me. There you go.

Mandatory Reading

Picked up this little nugget last week, and it has not disappointed me yet:



For those of you who may be uninitiated, Susanna Clarke wrote Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell, which, along with Michael Chabon's The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay, is quite possibly the best book I've read in the past ten years or so. This little collection of short stories is a good entrance into the world and writing style of the 600-plus page world of Strangeites and Norrellites. Highly recommended.

If You're Hungry...

...grab a "Knuckle Sandwich."

Yes, draft two of "Knuckle Sandwich" is finally, finally in the can and off to the editor. He will do his thing and then I only have one more week of serious work to do on it before I can declare it complete. And what a relief that will be.

Writing a novel is such an emotional process for me, especially the second draft. The first draft is easy: you just put your head down and go. The second draft requires careful consideration of EVERY WORD. It begins to weigh on you when you realize you have 60,000-plus decisions to make.

Anyway, it's done now, and I have my 31st birthday out of the way, so I'm ready to truck on with life.

By the way, I wish I could show you the cover, but I can't. Yet. Still, it's awesome.

More to come!